human being half-finished

human being half-finished

manusia setengah jadi
I probably was a human being half finished. Why is it that I have not become fully human until today? Where I still can not control your emotions, ego, feeling, thinking precisely and only friends with my own thoughts. I pretended to be autistic world before undergoing life according to his own desires and imagination.

Revel in the head, playing the life and psychology of thought as to visualize and create the world that there is a spin on my imagination. A different dimension that runs parallel of the real world that only I know the story. I was the creator and I was running, thinking there is every opportunity in every decision.

Too often I play with a mind of its own imagination. Leads the real world collides with the world of his own. I began to frequent my life to apply the imaginary world to the real world. I began to frequent occurrences believed would happen as opportunities always I think in the image. Maybe for logic, it is the main food, because it makes me think logically and sharp reasoning about the situation and how the lifestyle that goes. I can understand how people can think and act in accordance causal coming from outside himself, how the concept of causal influence the processes 'occurrence' of an event, and the like.

But, for a mind that is undermined by the logic, constantly making the world that is supposed to make me feel comfortable to keep themselves become torturers for my psychic. I began to realize the creation of an imaginary world of life itself is just the thing merely a dream. Although I've said this concept of no use, as a reference implementation of the action to begin real life and understand the situation that is happening, but what does it mean to have fun themselves in the real world, where all the people live, and they have thoughts and his own imagination ..?

That's all that make me indecisive and hesitant. So I got a fillip from the outside, I always thought about it. Why is that? What is the reason? How do I form one of them? What did I like it, or because I am not able to show how I actually because too often live in their own minds?

In short, I always felt every time they talk about a trait, things, or someone. I felt I was talking about them. In the heart begins to grow seeds of hate, anger, that crystallizes into a solid idea called 'Skepticism'. Arises a sense of want to get away from real life and return to live alone in mind. But until when?

That is why, I began to imagine that in my head, there are two minds or personalities. I am formed by nature as a reflection of who has lived my mortal life, where skeptical, suspicious and arrogant is my personality and I feel lonely as the real life in the real world for too long abandoned by my retreat in the imagination.

This could be analogous to be a simple concept, where my skepticism and arrogant logic, and I was lonely mind .. !!!

Source : Teman Sejati : manusia setengah jadi (Kamp. Irian 3)

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